My name is Isaiah Joseph. I am an ambitious 26 year-old entrepreneur from Atlanta, Ga. In 2020, after graduating from the University of Georgia, I started a visual storytelling company that has allowed me to travel and work with many well-known people and organizations. Blah blah blah. No, I'm just joking. But I said that because that is only the book cover of my story, the cover of who I am. That elevator pitch is what the world sees. While these things are true and I am extremely grateful and proud of it, the realest parts of what makes me who I am actually aren’t these accomplishments that can be seen outwardly, but things that took place on the inner pages of my life’s book. I am about to dive into a significant chapter of my life story that most people do not know about. I believe while it does include very difficult moments of my life, because of God it is the most powerful chapter of my life so far. It is a chapter that has impacted who I am today, and I believe it could resonate with you in a way. Get ready because it gets real, a little messy, but caps off beautifully. Be sure to stay until the end because I believe It can definitely bless you in a way.
This chapter takes place around May of 2020. At the time, COVID started and i'm not going to lie, I thought it was the end of the world. I'm just playing, but it was in fact the end of a very significant season of my life, college. After being sent home abruptly only to never return back to campus, I was left trying to figure out exactly what it was that I was supposed to be doing with my life now. For some reason, I was stuck on the question, ‘What is my purpose?’. I felt so empty and directionless at the time. I felt that I poured all of my energy into my fraternity, my college education, and college relationships and now that those seasons of my life were over, I was left to figure out exactly what was next and even more, who I actually was.
I began praying to God asking Him what my purpose in life was. I went on a spiritual fast to get the answers I was looking for and guidance on my next steps. It’s funny because the thing I fasted from was TikTok. That app was the primary source of entertainment that got me through the long days of quarantine (don’t judge me lol). I vowed to not get on for a week and in exchange, I read my bible and continued praying for God’s direction. I did this everyday, but day four was when my life got turned upside down. On this day, I heard God’s voice for the first time in my life and He told me six words that would change my life forever.
“You have to forgive your father”. God told me. This shook me for many reasons. For one, like I mentioned, this was the first time that I truly heard God’s voice directly. Secondly, I was anticipating an answer to my career path, not anything involving unhealed trauma that I was trying to avoid. Lastly, at the time, I thought I did forgive my father!
I was 22 years old, and I’m going to be honest. I thought I was already my best self. I thought I knew it all. I figured my biggest unknown was what I would do career-wise post-graduation. What I did not know was on the inside, there was still a boy battling insecurity, lacking confidence in his identity, unknowingly reaping the effects of unhealed trauma, and still battered by the negative words of others and negative situations from his childhood. Inwardly, he was scared to face the future because of the things he was still chained to in his past.
Since 12 years old, I grew up in a single-parent household with my mother raising both my sister and I. I remember beginning to internalize my father being absent since the beginning of my adolescent years. I would see other children with their father and was immersed into an array of emotions. Sometimes I would experience embarrassment. Other times I would experience sadness as I tried to figure out what was wrong with me that hindered me from experiencing what they were experiencing. Sometimes I experienced envy. As I got older, I started experiencing confusion. How was I supposed to learn how to be a man? These emotions eventually became overwhelming for me so on my quest of attempting to discover “true manhood”, I adopted a behavior that I believed would finally make me the man I was desiring to become. I bottled up all of my emotions and swept everything under the rug. Eventually I had suppressed my hurt and emotions for so long that I was convinced I was inwardly healed and was ready to carry out my purpose in life. That false perception all came crashing down on this day, May of 2020, when God told me those six words.
Okay, that’s the backstory. Let’s fast-forward back to that moment when I first heard God’s voice. I am going to be so real with you. My first response was defense mode! “What do you mean?” I asked Him. “I did forgive him.” Again, I thought I had forgiven him because of how I had suppressed my anger and hurt over the past 10 years. God then replied, “You think you have forgiven him but look at your actions. They don’t reflect true forgiveness". I then instantly realized how suppression of my hurt was not true forgiveness. While I could suppress my emotions, I couldn’t suppress the behavior that arose because of my unhealed trauma. I realized how my unforgiveness caused me to pick up behaviors that hurt others around me and even more, myself. I then spurted out my last rebuttal to God. “I'm the victim of the situation. I was the one hurt. I was the one wronged. Why should I?” I thought it was unfair.
God then shared with me how forgiveness is not only about the other person. It's for me as well. Unforgiveness had poisoned my mind, my life. It was underlyingly fueling my insecurities and tarnishing my overall view of myself. You see, because of that situation, I unknowingly began sabotaging myself with negative thoughts. “You will never be a leader because you did not have that father figure to lead you most of your life.” You do not have the confidence and assertiveness to succeed in the world as a man because you weren’t shown”. “ It is all too late to gain that now”. These were all lies the enemy was feeding me for years, but I am so thankful that my Father in Heaven came in at this very moment to destroy what the enemy was trying to do with my mind and my life.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling” - Psalms 68:5. At this moment, God showed me how He has been there all along even during the times I thought I was alone. He reaffirmed that He heard all of my prayers and thoughts. He collected all of my tears, and in turn, was working to meet all of my needs. He began to show me how He has proactively been moving since my childhood in response to all the doubts that I would have about myself in the future. He showed me how He was the one who put me in unexpected leadership positions like being president of my fraternity’s chapter senior year of college to help me become the leader He qualified me to be. He showed me how He placed family and individuals in my life to help fill the void. He shared with me that what I thought I lacked, he has been moving on my behalf and filling in the gap all of my life. I realized that God lifted every single burden that I picked up over the years because of the situation. All I had to do was forgive. My favorite scripture in the bible is when Jesus said to Simon Peter, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand” - John 13:7. It was on this day, at this moment, that I finally understood.
Following this, I called my father and told him that I forgive him and wanted to start anew. These were not just words however, God actually did a new thing in my heart based off of the revelation He gave me. Once I realized He was making supplications for the deficit I thought I had because of the situation, forgiveness became so much easier. Since then, my father and I have been restoring the things that have been lost over the years. I enjoy talking to him and catching up. My family even invited him down to spend my 25th birthday with me, something I thoroughly enjoyed. I can say that God has completely changed my heart and you know it's God because this is something only the God of supernatural power and unconditional love could do!
If you are reading this and have a similar situation in which you realize you must forgive someone in your past, remember these few thing: I heard someone say it this way (and I honestly can't remember who said it) but they said, "unforgiveness is like someone drinking poison and expecting the other person to be affected by it. Forgiveness is not just about the other person. It's for you as well. Without it, you risk being a shell of the amazing being God created you to be. There is freedom and purpose on the other side of your forgiveness. God is there with open arms ready to replace all that was lost! Just like He is doing for me, He is ready to do the exact same with you!
Also know that forgiveness is a journey and process that God will walk alongside you each step of the way. Remember 2 Corinthians 12:9. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". If you find yourself struggling with forgiveness know that our human weakness is an opportunity to invite in the perfect power of our Creator!Lean on Jesus, our great example. Think about it, He laid his life for the forgiveness of sins of people who tried to curse him, hurt him, abuse him, and kill him during that time and the time to come. Therefore it is only right that we ask Him for power and guidance on our forgiveness journey.
To my earthly father: I love you. I am excited for the journey of life that we have ahead. As I get older and notice the existence of my own imperfections, I find myself able to have more grace for the imperfections of others. I genuinely look at the situation in gratitude. Because of it, I formed an intimate relationship with God and was introduced to His mind-blowing love and power. This is the connection that I have always been looking for.
To the young boy without a father in his life currently: I wish I could give you a hug through the screen. Know that you are loved, you are seen, and you are not alone. Remember Psalms 68:5 and read it everytime you feel down. Know that there is no one greater than your Heavenly Father above who is watching over you and loves you so much. He knows more about you than you know yourself, even the number of hairs on your head. Run to Him. He's there with open arms. With Him, you lack nothing.
This is only chapter one of my story. This very day marked a mind-blowing journey of self-discovery, healing, growth, and intimacy with my Heavenly Father that is still continuing today. Stay tuned because I have a lot more to share with you guys and my vow is that everything shared is rooted in truth, authenticity, and vulnerability because I know that those are the things that actually connect us to each other and more importantly to our Father in Heaven.
(P.S Man I teared up a few times writing this and I am 100% unashamed of it. The people in this coffee shop probably think something is wrong with me though lol but it is all good. I remember the damage bottling up my natural emotions did to me for years so I'm grateful to be in a state where I can freely acknowledge them.
Until Next Time
This is truly amazing 💓